Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do vagina's smell?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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