I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
