his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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