i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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