At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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