I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
