I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
