My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
