no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
