Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
