Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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