i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
