what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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