I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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