Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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