He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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