I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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