Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
