My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize