THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
