yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
