I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
