I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
