I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
