I'm going to jail i love you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
