I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
