So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
