If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
