you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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