My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
