Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
