fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I love you. Go after that dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
