Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
