i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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