This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
