i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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