Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
