the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
