Its about making memories worth repressing
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize