Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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