I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
