I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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