i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
