Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize