That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
