apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
