We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
