Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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