i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
