one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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