'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
