I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
