The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it was like having sex with a tree stump
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
