p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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