I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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