So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
