Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
