I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
