My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
