he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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