At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
