It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
