we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize