you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
