it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
