it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
