He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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