Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
