3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
