It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
