Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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