All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
