I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
