why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
