we have officially lost it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
