I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
