she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
