remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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