Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
