And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
