I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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