ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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