was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
