after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
