Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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