You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
