i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
