DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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