Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
