i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
