Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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