Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
