Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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