I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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