Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
