i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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