Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
