Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
