It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You ruined the universe
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
