She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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