My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Randomize
