Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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